Guest Post: Mrs. in Making

Ladies! (and guys who are interested) what was going through your minds as you entered into medical college on your first day?

Was your heart bursting with compassion and drive to change the health care situation of those millions and millions of Pakistanis out there without adequate health care? Does it not go out to those poor souls waiting and languishing on the steps of an empty facility, awaiting the arrival of a doctor non-existent, only to receive some quack whose idea of a cure for every disease is an injection to the leg?

Or leaving aside your charitable hopes, were you dreaming of a fulfilling and enriching college experience that includes availing the several late night call packages the progressive mobile companies of this nation offer; networking with senior students who will provide you with much needed guidance and notes/books/gossip; and of course, plenty of opportunities to interact purposefully with the opposite sex.

It is no secret that college is the profligate breeding ground for matrimonial aspirations, and a medical college such as yours is no exception. But here are several reasons why the (un)fortunate fellow you’re going to spend the rest of your life with, should be the last thing on your mind.

– How in the world will you fulfill your desires to become that very neurosurgeon/orthopedic/ heart specialist you always wanted to be if your head is filled with designs for your wedding dress? You might as well save yourself from the destiny of a Mrs. Gynecologist (not that this country doesn’t need more female gynecologists, but we need other female specialists too) and concentrate on your career.

– Boys are trash and nor worth the importance you give them. Plus they gossip more about your new dress and shoes than all your dorm-mates combined. Do you really want to know what he thinks about the length of your kamiz or your new haircut? You might as well ask your most beloved (the most annoying, two-faced and loud) Aunty. Besides, they don’t care.

– You’re going to get married anyway.

–  Do you really want to spend your life with someone who has been in the suffocating classrooms, torturous exams and had the same insufferable teachers? In short, the same life experiences as yours? Besides, imaging the conditions in the male hostels, do you really want a creature from there in your house?

Need I go on? And for those ladies offended by my assumptions that none of you are serious about your studies, don’t waste your energy telling me that. Take it as advice to heed just in case. And you could probably enlighten us all of the more noble reasons of coming to med school.

And those gentlemen (if you were one, you wouldn’t be reading this article in the first place, by the way) who think I just wrote this to deplore your kind and diminish any chance of you getting a female companion to pass time with during your college life, you’re probably right.

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It’s Show Time!

“WHY ARE MY COLLEGE MATES INCLINED TO SPEND A STUPENDOUS AMOUNT OF WEALTH ON AN EVENT WHICH IS THEMELESS AND IRRATIONAL IN ITS ESSENCE?”

Out of many questions that shook my mind when I stepped into the “land of the Gangsters”, this one was one of the most vexing. I never found the answer, but convinced myself to somehow enjoy this event instead!

Yeah, I am talking about the sports day, where girls come with loads of make-up on their normally inauspicious faces and boys come in third-class, see-through shirts and tight jeans. The idiosyncrasy of the event lies in the fact that an “esteemed committee” (a bunch of brainless dudes and chicks) assigns a color to each class and a “theme” to portray at the event. The respective Sports Day Organizers (commonly referred to as SDOz) from each class strive day in, day out to collect “riches” from their “under-privileged” class fellows. These riches are utilized to purchase some random stuff which is subsequently used to decorate the “garbage-depot” commonly referred to as “stadium” in our college. The remaining cash is used to buy refreshments (which are often in such abundance that a kind of World War-III takes place when it is being served).

Now we talk about the “phenomenon of entries”. It is defined as “the succession of events which depict the assigned color and theme of a specific year”. The people possessing “inherent super abilities” come forward and oblige the whole class by embellishing themselves with idiotic costumes. After their “ENTRY”, they usually perform the following strenuous tasks and further gratify the whole class:
1)    Dance clumsily
2)    Sit idly
3)    Take plenty of  photographs (probably to show their grand-children that their grandpa had done some cool stuff during his college days)
4)    Make merry
5)    Snatch a lion’s share of the refreshments so as to replenish the energy they had lost performing the above mentioned arduous tasks.

In addition to these “meaningful” happenings, there maybe an extra topping of a “teacher-student” match and prize-distribution plus “musical chair drama” in sports inauguration and final sports day respectively. I am not going to say anything about the Teacher-Student Cricket Match (because “samajh te tussi gye o”). As regards the prize-distribution, college people usually invite a “special guy” to give away the medals etc. The special guy’s quality is his “retardation”. He comes in a hurry and leaves in a hurry and shows the extent of his retardation throughout his brief stay.
The musical chair thing is the only “enjoyable masala” in the whole event because we have a chance to see the blissful faces of the old, nutty Professors during the process. Really, seeing the senior citizens of the medical society having that much fun is a rare spectacle.

Lastly, I don’t want to miss the loud-speaker guy who is a kind of commentator. Actually his problem is that nobody pays any attention to what he has to say. But that guy is extremely consistent and he goes on shouting throughout the event. I only see one advantage of his presence: He keeps the atmosphere full of noise-pollution so that people may not think that PMC is devoid of this variety of pollution!

Regards,

The Philosopher’s Stone

“the PURPOSEFUL violent conflicts in PMC”

Kings of fighters, street fighters, mortal combat, tekken series, Dead or Alive, Fatal fury and a long long list of video games make up a huge part of “children’s” off-time conversation in schools.
the player controls an on-screen character and engages in one-on-one close combat with an opponent.
these characters ‘tend’ to be of equal power. And the fight matches consists of several ’rounds’, which take part in an arena
players must master techniques such as blocking, counter-attacking, and chaining together sequences of attacks known as ‘COMBOS’
borring ? lol anyways, my article is concerned with one out of many many similar stories in PMC in which the “on-scene-characters” are real persons instead of graphically designed animated fighters.
i wonder what a real ‘fight’ is… hmm.. my investigations tell that these are some of the rules of a true ‘fight’
1) It may take place under a certain set of ‘rules’ be unregulated
2) Fighting implies atleast a ‘defensive reaction”
3) It intends to esteblish dominance over the opposition

allright, logically what do you expect, two fully armed military forces fighting over european union treaty?? hah no way !
PMC’s ‘famous’ fights are “hand-to-hand” fights in which one feels the opponent with body (punching, kicking, strangling)
no wait they don’t usually hit but keep threatening the opponent ( mein bnday bula lounga, kha na leyin mere se kuch, isi corridor me btaounga tujhe theher tu…, aik padey gi tujhe, zyada bkwas na kr nahee to…. etc etc ) .. i wonder why they do so O_0

you might have heard about “zan, zar aur zameen” being the three considerable reasons behind a fight. and all these reasons ( usually the first one) ‘prettily’ demonstrate and typify PMC’s violent conflicts.
anyhow the other two reasons make a small part of sum total of all the conflicts since 1974 ( the year of its esteblishment )
the interesting fact is that the first reason makes up more than 70% of the total reasons during last few years ( whoa, sounds nasty 😀 )
yet another interesting fact is that the ‘fighting forces’ do not reveal the ‘genuine reason’ and mask it with somehow less “nasty” reasons

my purpose to write this article is that this alarming situation and disturbing sight of PMC should get totally unmasked. No sensible person with sound judgment skills would choose to become a cartoon-kid-hero or a video game animated fighter.
this subject matter badly needs to be threshed out because everybody knows that the true ‘story’ always wanders about the pmc corridors in ‘low-pitched’ voices.
” is it conspiracy? crucified for no sins….”
think !

regards,
-the CHARLATAN-

The Artists-Who were the audience (and the critics) at the same time!

Once upon a time, a grand gathering was planned in celebration of a special event. A young, highly ambitious caterer was hired to render his services for the occasion. He worked laboriously to please the taste buds of the guests, as it was his own Walima ceremony. As the time came, he served the food and people started consuming it. When all was said and done, the guests returned to their homes grumbling about the quality of food.

The poor caterer took this to his heart. When he was rebuked, he responded in a stumbling tone, “O my dear fellows, I worked from sun-rise to sun-set to gain myself a few kind sentences of appreciation. But it didn’t turn out according to my expectations. The people complained about the food quality. Reality is that they don’t know what the real food is like. They are too naïve to taste such sophisticated dishes. If they are dissatisfied with my performance, they should have cooked it themselves. If they have such profound culinary knowledge, why would people like myself are lurking around as so-called caterers?”

Moral:-

If you can’t cook yourself, you have no right to have decent food. Similarly, if you are not a singer, you should not be allowed to listen to good music. If you are not a surgeon, YOUR APPENDIX SHOULD REMAIN IN YOUR GUT EVEN IN CASE OF APPENDICITIS!

Dear readers, if the moral sounds familiar to you, you are a TRUE PMCIAN!

Regards,

The Philosopher’s Stone