Altruism; chivalry; women. In many ways these are the three essential components of what truly makes one a Kick-Ass. In fact, these are the three principles by which he abides. I am quite justified in using this term; Kick-Ass, especially because we have a very befitting pop culture reference: Kick-Ass the Movie. The movie is about a kid who gets obsessed with becoming a real life super hero, who goes around doing good things, and also finds it an excellent way of winning over the girl he likes.
We however are not discussing the movie. It has been mentioned to give some necessary background on this term “Kick-Ass”, as the three principles mentioned above can be observed in this movie. It holds some useful cues for an aspiring PMC Kick-Ass, who more likely than not, had a very suppressive teenage. No quick judgments should be made, as this is not a complete tragedy. We are after all going to discuss how a PMC Kick-Ass unravels: The story of a true hero in making.
In order to do this, I will have to contextualize the abovementioned three principles into PMC’s environment and realities, and how these reflect in a PMC Kick-Ass. So, bear with me as this is nothing short of celebration of a crucial aspect of PMC’s lifestyle.
Altruism technically means giving to others, being charitable, and caring for others, and so on. The question is, how is Altruism embodied by a PMC Kick-Ass? Surely it can’t be donating blood, and other clichéd manners of ‘caring for others’. A true PMC Kick-Ass always has an excuse; from life threatening health condition to wrong blood group. As an uninitiated new comer, he must first learn to appreciate what Altruism really is, for this he turns to the ‘sages’ often referred to as ‘seniors’. Remember, he is already a PMC Kick-Ass in spirit.
The very first lesson he learns is, “puttar spending on yourself is the greatest act of charity in PMC”. Hence he acquires the key to being altruistic. The process of extreme makeover begins. Out goes the checkered formal looking shirt that he once buttoned up to the collar, with great pride, suddenly tight t-shirts and fake polos are in. Branded jeans, a sure eye-catcher, and of course, china made pair of converse. The first step to completion of his manhood has been covered.
Now he busies himself with spreading his altruistic spirit by giving much needed fashion advice to other aspiring PMC Kick-Asses. Soon, he gathers and establishes PMC’s very own, and abused version of Backstreet Boys (I say abused, because there’s a history of precedents). On a thoughtful second note, I should probably scratch the reference to Backstreet Boys, what I really meant was macho, testosterone laden Kick-Asses.
Chivalry means having valor, generosity, gentleman ship. So, it is not terribly hard to mistake the Kick-Asses as knights in shining armour. This alliance of evil fighters goes out into the corridors of PMC everyday to scout ‘possible threats’. Their primary aim is to save the innocent and unsuspecting girls from the ‘marauding’ theethas, who aren’t “JUST” discussing viva questions, or exchanging notes, or suddenly showing up in the same societies, or running for sports rep. There’s a more ‘sinister’ reason.
A PMC Kick-Ass, after all those facials and threading routines, not to mention the military like regimen he has to get used to, in order to look like a cheap rip-off of MTV Roadies, has a greater right to such reasons. Or so he sincerely believes. Only he should hit the jackpot. He’s the man, no…the superman!
Naturally, many would ask the question: why be altruistic? Why be chivalrous? Why ‘save’ the ‘unsuspecting’ girls? The answer, which is biologically and psychologically sound, is: because they are GIRLS! This one is a no-brainer.
After years of being walked over, of the survival of the fittest going awry, girls are quite literally ‘the forbidden fruit’. Being disadvantaged is a great motivator!
So, “women” (ladies, take no offence; ‘women’ is being used a suitable synonym for ‘girls’, there’s nothing wrong with being in touch with your feminine side) is the last and most important principle and component of a Kick-Ass’s existence. First two principles are a corollary to it.
In not so far past, when he wasn’t a Kick-Ass, the PMC Kick-Ass’s expertise in this field included:
Ogling girls sheepishly, hiding behind pillars and doors. All the while pretending to fix his thick prescription glasses.
Reading depressing poetry.
And, of course being in touch with ‘modern ways’, like those ‘love meters’ on such educational outlets as Aag TV. He loved (still does) utilizing such digital means of finding the perfect other to message late into night with. After all what are the ‘youth packages’ for? A 70% on the ‘love meter’ would turn out to be so incredibly exhilarating that he would go to sleep with head held high, like a warrior who had won a most prized trophy. The only problem is, he imagined his name on the ‘love meter. He was too clever to spend any money.
Today, the PMC Kick-Ass stands a real chance, or, at least he thinks. And, he is always looking for motivation. What really boosts his morale is the fact that the girls he wishes to court (or has been successful courting) aren’t exactly ‘houris’ either. This in itself increases his chances exponentially.
Now, all of this may sound a little bizarre and even disturbing to a non-PMCian. He or she may ask: why go through all this trouble? What could possibly create a desire in a person to become a Kick-Ass? What are the possible social and psychological causes?
To my untrained mind, these sound like intellectual and philosophical questions. Attempting to answer these is likely to bore me, the PMC Kick-Asses, and rest of the PMCians. So, I’m going to leave these unanswered.
As for the outcome of such endeavours, it isn’t always as a PMC Kick-Ass expects. The success rate is quite abysmal. Only the most skilful ones actualize their ‘goals’, most others have to settle for ‘less’. It’s ruthless competition. Many PMC Kick-Asses may have withdrawal symptoms that feel like Spiderman in his real life, except that this is their only ‘real’ life.
However, there IS a silver lining. After having spent five years with much philogynist vigor, a Kick-Ass is not simply Kick-Ass, he is now the PMC Kick-Ass M.B.B.S. Here, his story turns a new page. What happens next does not concern us, but the legacy of PMC Kick-Ass lives on.